Yes, Virginia, Mercury is Going Retrograde


What do I care?

I care. This is where I out myself, rather early in my blogging career, as being a pagan. I read my horoscope, dare I say...religiously?

Let's be clear. Yes, I read my horoscope in the newspaper, but that's for fun. I give those messages the same weight as a fortune cookie or the inspirational message on the end of a teabag string. Which, if you want the truth, I like to think has a lesson if you're open to it. When you're having a bad day at work and a tiny slip of paper says something goofy like "Be grateful for all things," you can react a thousand ways, not least of which is to throw out the entire box of tea and swear never to buy it again. Which is a lesson in not buying tea with messages because you're not man enough to face them.

Ahem. Just a bit of snark there to keep this lively.

The real deal horoscope, in my opinion, is found at Loooove Susan Miller. Go read your previous month's forecast and try to tell me at least a few of her predictions didn't come true for you.

The prediction part is what stops most people from 'believing' in horoscopes, isn't it? But look here, I'm not 'believing' in anything either. This isn't about faith. It's science.

Okay, you're starting to wonder if I'm being facetious or if I'm a certified whack job. A little of both. Entire books have been written about the science of astrology. I tried reading some of them, but that became work and for me, it really comes down to this: The moon has a tangible effect on the lives of every living creature on the planet. We all accept that it moves huge bodies of water causing tides. Women's menstrual cycles follow the moon's phases. Talk to any policeman, fireman or ER nurse and they will tell you that full moons make for busy nights. And did you know that the human gestation period coincides with one of Venus's years? It's not a coincidence she's the fertility goddess.

So it follows, in my mind, that all the planets can have an influence on our lives in some way. Who decides what those influences will be? Well, ancient people began studying this quite a while ago and to me, that's what astrology really is: a study. There are cycles that repeat and overlap over time--kind of like a spirograph. Since some of those patterns only show up every quarter millennium, the overall design is never stagnant. We all stand in a different place inside that three-dimensional design, based on where and when we were born, so that's why our lives are never precisely the same as anyone else's.

When it comes to predicting, the patterns are really more of a guideline. When an astrologer makes a generic statement like, "Watch for surprise news from a sibling" it probably stems from seeing Uranus coming to roost in your third house. The third house also governs neighbors, schools and merchants, however, and Uranus also rules the future and new technology, so maybe you, an only child, will see a new tech school pop up in your neighborhood. Astrologers are just humans, people. They're not claiming to be gods or even talking to them. They're really more like the old farmer who squints into the distant blue sky and says, "Storm's comin'. Better get the critters in."

I'm not trying to convert you. Really. Mostly I'm begging for tolerance of my idiosyncrasy, especially if this blog drops off your screen in the next six weeks--while Mercury goes retrograde.

See, when Mercury goes retrograde, all hell breaks loose with computers, cars and communications. For Pete's sake, don't buy any electronics or a new car before the third week of May. Don't buy anything (unless you're closing a deal that was set up prior to Merc Retro) otherwise you'll wind up taking it back or at least suffering major buyer's remorse. This is a known fact. Among the astrologically-minded.

Now I must get started on my blog warning about the 2012 Mayan Calendar, when the earth's polarity will reverse and we'll flip like a pancake and all fall off. You're not still buying that 'earth is round' business, are you? Puhleeeeze.