Magic Eyes

or
Look Ma, No Contacts!

I never like to mention my plans before I leave town.  Isn't there a website called 'Come Rob Me?'  I'm fairly paranoid as a rule so even though I'm quite sure the only people reading my blog are friends and family whom I'm more than happy use my house in my absence, I take precautions.

However, the Big News is that I went for the fancy eye correction surgery.  Don't worry, no spoilers.  I won't get into the gory details (like the suction rings that give you the sexy 'eye hickies'.)  I'll just give the good people at Kelowna Laser Vision a plug because they were awesome.  It's a highly freaky procedure so best to be with people you trust and they were incredibly reassuring.  I felt like I was in good hands :)

They recommended the mono-vision procedure which means they corrected one eye to long distance vision and left one a little near sighted so I wouldn't need the cheaters so soon.  I have to admit, I was highly skeptical and basically only said yes because they assured me that I could have the one eye redone if necessary later.  (Note: The surgeon was incredibly deft and the procedure was as quick and comfortable as having your eyeball cut and burned could be, but you're still getting your eyeball cut and burned so having been through it, I'm not in a hurry to do that again.)  Having said that, I'm really glad I went with the mono vision.  I can tell that my eyes are seeing differently, but it mostly feels like one contact is screwed up--something I'm very used to.  And that comes and goes.  I'm confident that I soon won't notice the difference at all.

Not to say I won't develop a gorgeous Bill the Cat squint along the way.  Fingers crossed!

I will say this about the procedure.  Everyone I spoke with said "It takes five minutes."  That is a lie.  There is much scrubbing of eyelids and giving up make-up prior.  There are consultations and follow ups.  There is much sitting around waiting for drugs to take effect and for the woman ahead of you to quit hyperventilating and get on the damned table for heavens' sake, before I lose my nerve.

There is also the prolonged drabness factor.  Along with quitting contacts, I was in dire need of a haircut and streaks so by the time I went in for my consult Thursday, I was about as homely as I have ever been with the exception of when I was extremely pregnant, retaining Georgia Strait and again, badly in need of streaks.

(I managed a visit to a nearby salon after my consult on Thursday and honestly, I think the only reason the stylist made time for me was that she was due to repay some karma.  She actually paled and yelled, "Clear my schedule!"  Obviously I was in the neighborhood of magicians because she managed to pop some color into my hair, trim it into a cute bob and basically gave me a style that manages to distract from my post-op demon-like bloodshot eyes.)

After the consult, Hubby and I went out for dinner to the Keg.  It's been oh... about twenty years, but good news.  They haven't lost the smarm at that particular establishment.  The staff are all young, attractive, and still very much like used-beef salesmen.  I'm not sure what genius at head office decided to go back to the grassroots promise of the Keg, but the only thing on the menu was steak.  Yes, it's still a meat market in every sense of the word.  And I'm not saying the meal wasn't good, but wasn't there a time when you could get some kind of sizzler with actual vegetables?  I had something the server referred to as a 'chicken product.'  Again, I'm not saying it wasn't tasty, but it is conceivable that at least one person in a dinner party is a vegetarian, or like me--not a vegetarian, but not someone who needs twelve ounces of meat at a sitting.  Maybe throw a decent stir-fry on the menu.  Just saying.

It was a total date night for us.  We hit the premier of the Hangover 2 after dinner.  "What was the last thing you saw before losing your sight in laser surgery, Dani?"  Um, things I never should have seen in my life.  Funniest thing?  We were very close to taking the kids to Kelowna with us and would have taken them to that movie.  I know, so close to winning that Parent of the Year Award again.  Dee-nied.

Being the fast-living folk that we are, we then went back to the hotel and slept about eleven hours.  That's how we roll.  The second night was more like thirteen.  We did some shopping the next morning and hit the clinic after lunch for The Procedure.  I'd also like to put in a plug for the (new) intralase sbk method.  My sister had the prk (as did the nice young man at the registration desk of our hotel.)  Obviously this is a very personal choice and for both my sister and the concierge, the prk was an excellent and very effective vision correction procedure.

The advantage to the intralase is the quicker recovery period.  I'm writing this approximately 18 hours after the surgery.  My sister reported that she was basically out of commission for a week and not back to full clear vision until approx two weeks after surgery.  I was in extreme discomfort prior to my nap after the procedure (ibuprofen helped.)  This morning I felt like I was wearing uncomfortable contacts.  By the time we were driving home after my follow up exam, my eyes felt kind of dry and my vision was still a bit hazy, but I didn't really need the sunglasses.  Right now, the sense of grittiness comes and goes, but I'm seeing really well and sooo happy.

All in all, aside from the fifteen minutes with the Clockwork Orange springs on my eyes when my vision blurred out to black (normal, apparently) and the hour when my eyes streamed tears and I began to fear the burning pain would never end, it was a romantic getaway weekend with my the love of my life.

Punchline: we got home in time for the six o'clock news where they featured the story of the man who is debunking the 'safety' of the laser correction procedures.  What do I do now?

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